FIN 140 Unit 3

My dad and I have been spending the last two years rebuilding a strained relationship. There is a possibility of exploring reflection and growth through the rebuilding of that relationship… I will discuss this with him tomorrow and see if we could come up with a tangible idea that incorporates him into the creative process.

Last night we had been talking for a while, he liked my ideas around reflection and self-image. He suggested the difference of age or a father/soldier dynamic. He is having to come to terms with his PTSD from his time in the military and I feel like involving him in this exploration of self-identity may be helpful for him. Since my goal is to be an art therapist, that could work out to be a research point. Going on this journey together could also be helpful for us both in getting to know each other better after decades apart.

WELL NONE OF THAT WORKED OUT!

It was a great idea. Unfortunately whenever I try to approach him about “What if we made something together?” He does not understand what I mean. I tried. It would have been meaningful to me to involve him in some way. OH WELL!! Onto the next idea.

I like TTRPGs. I like developing characters. I like dice. I like exploring identity…

WHAT IF….

I made my OWN single player TTRPG about exploring pieces of yourself? Of using character to understand growth… Basically a mockup of what I want to do with an art-therapy practice.

It should be short enough to get through in a single sitting, maybe an hour at most. Something that you can do as self-exploration or character development. I have Bradley, Durum, and Puck I could use to build the idea off of to see if I can make it work. Luf, Gryph, and Vivid LOVE character stories and would probably be willing to run through it with one of their own characters. I could try run through it with Dad or some of my known trauma to see if it works for learning to understand yourself and see your strengths. I’m in enough TTRPG communities I could probably find a complete stranger who would be willing to playtest it. If I’m lucky Connie or Sea might even be willing to playtest it!

Connie is probably the person to do an artist research on, they’ve written a few TTRPGs, they’re a screenwriter with a focus on horror. Luf might even be a good option for this with their storycrafting. I can probably even figure out whoever designed the Captain and Crew dialog.

This might be the answer…

I have some mirror fragments, I could make reflective cores for a set of dice to be presented with the booklet. I COULD make dice for this project.

Alright, Project outline is done! A day early even!! I’ve got a solid plan, I know exactly what I want to do!

…After talking to Sara there is apparently not enough of a visual aspect to this project. Considering book art, performance, and writing were all things that were listed as acceptable for this project I am a little salty about that. But fine…

This also makes it so Connie doesn’t work for my artist research… Which is also a bit frustrating because I’m kind of sick of having to write about old white guys, but I guess Fluxus boxes make more sense for my Artist Research than Halo and Horns.

It was suggested that I shift more into making more of a sacred object. That doesn’t really feel like it fits with the idea of what I’m trying to make, but I am nothing if not stubborn. I will make that fit the project if I have to.

I am a little worried this is going to lead to another “I wish you had just made this one piece” moment in the critique again.

Alright, so I need to make a box, probably with compartments.
I can make a pen, I have molds for that. I had already planned on making dice. I was already making the book. So I’m only adding about five days of work to this project in making this box. I no longer have time to playtest the actual game.

I asked my dad if he would help me build a box. He said no and walked out of the room. He came back with about five latched boxes and asked me if any of those would work. So I no longer need to build a box.
He also has the tools I need to finish the box, and the metallic silver tape I need for the cover of the book.

I had not been planning on using a box with a clear lid, but once that became an option I could not help myself,

I like the symbolism of it being a repurposed toolbox. This originally held drill bits.
I also like that this box opens down, instead of up, and when the lid is folded back it acts as a stand.

Next Steps:

• Sand and finish the box
• Buff that mark out of the plexiglass,
  • Thankfully from making dice I have polishing paper, should be able to get rid of most of that mark.
• Find something soft to line the box with.
  • Will need to swing by the fabric store in Campbell River to see if they have anything cheap, thin, and soft.
• Cast the pen
• Cast the dice
• Make the book

I haven’t made a choice on colour yet. I did a basic cast of my pen mold because I don’t actually know what shape that will be, or what issues I will have with it. Considering I only have 2 ink cartages, I want to be sure I know what I’m in for.

I have spent 3 days working on the text for the book. This is frustrating. I needed 10 days for the book and it’s not going to be as good as I want know it could have been because I have to do the box…

I am so close to just giving up. I don’t want to half-ass it. This is a project that really meant something to me but it’s been turned into something I resent…. There’s not time to rework it, there wasn’t time to do it the way I’ve had to do it to begin with. I’m having to stop for a day so I can finish an assignment for another class that I’ve put off to try make this work.

The project is due today and I am nowhere near finished.

I haven’t had the time I needed to do the main part of the project because of that stupid box. I couldn’t even get the front of the box clear after Dad decided to ‘help’ and gouge the front of it with the sander. I’m so frustrated.

I have to hope the journal covers will be in today because then I don’t have to bind the book by hand like I wanted to. I don’t have time to do it though. I just have to make the cover look nice and hope it will be good enough.

I have had to completely gut the journaling exercise. I did not have the time I needed to make it work. It is no longer something I can say I am proud of and I am livid at that. This was something that was very meaningful to me.

it is snowing and the lights are flickering
if the power goes out I might scream

I need to find my maul and my thread so I can bind this, since I can’t find a holepunch and it doesn’t look like the rings are going to be here in time.

Crap… my thread is in the bin under my computer
Alright. New plan. How can I work around that?

I have wool … But the paper isn’t sturdy enough for that. I’d still need a holepunch…
I can move my computer, but that will require disconnecting everything and that will add an extra hour….
I don’t have a stapler…
I can’t glue it….
I will need to get the thread out or find the holepunch. These are my only real options, Even if I can only find the badge punch it’s going to be better than nothing
I have fishing line….. I could bind it with fishing line……
It’d be stiff, but it’d work

Alright, next steps:

1- Find Fishing line
2- Finish sketches for Gameplay page and End Conditions page
3- Re-Print the book
4- Find guillotine and trim pages to fit inside the box
5- Bind book
6- Finish Covers

The mirror that was supposed to go on the front never showed up, I cannot get the vinyl to work… I can see if I can gut an old binder and see if *that* will work for a cover that the vinyl will stick to

I don’t have time to make the cover I wanted to make and I don’t have the time to do it properly, so I’m going to have to improvise. So long as it *looks* right it should pass critique

Now I just need to paint the two dice and attach the mirror to the front of it.
Then I can decide if I want to answer one or two of the questions for Bradley or Durum or something

The intention of this piece was to find a way to use story-crafting as a form of self reflection. The journal was printed on a laser printer, bound with fishing line, then trimmed down to fit into the velveteen lined tool box. The cover of the journal was taken from a sketchbook and duct taped to the binding, with a small mirror attached to the front. There are four instruction pages and two pages of questions that you are meant to roll the D20 to choose, the rest of the book is lined to allow for the viewer who chooses to engage with the game to bring their own creation to it. The pen and dice are made out of resin and were custom made for this project.

The pen is full of silver flecks to give it depth, to give the user something to look at while they think of how to answer the questions. The dice contain fragments of a broken mirror.

I have answered one of the questions as an example of how to engage with this work.

Write out a list of adjectives that describe your work:
Simple
Explorative
Self-reflective
I’m failing to come up with other adjectives…
Participatory
Tool
Fun
Learning
DIY
Cobbled together
Incomplete
Emotions:
Acceptance
Safe

Write a casual letter to your best friend about what you’ve been up to in the studio.
Hey Grey,

You remember how we talked about storycrafting and using character to add a layer of separation between your emotions and yourself? I think I’ve found a way to bring that into a physical space. I’m making a game out of it!

I found this old tool box full of drill bits, which I think is really fitting because you’re drilling down into yourself for answers and storycrafting is one of the tools in your self-reflection toolkit. Symbolism or something, right? Well, I lined the box, so it’s soft and welcoming. Whoof, lining that thing was a pain in the butt! It’s got this covered section that made measuring it such a pain. Had to redo one side three times! But it’s soft and adds something to fidget with. It’s very nice to pet.

I think I made a mistake on the journal, I put a mirror on the front of it and I cannot look at it now. Triggers a lot of dysphoria when I do. I guess that’s kind of the point, to make you reflect on things, but wow it triggers some uncomfortable feelings. I don’t think you’ll like that about it either. I made a pen, it’s visually interesting and good for staring at when you’re lost in thought. It melds to your hand a bit as you’re writing which is a very interesting feeling! The dice turned out great too! I just wish I’d been able to incorporate more of them into the game because dang, they look so cool!

In my game of self-exploration, I look at the lesser considered aspects of identity. How do you react to certain things, what in your life has caused you to react in these ways, and how have these situations helped you grow? I ask the viewer to engage with the work as themself or as a character, to allow them the space to separate themself from their experiences and write more freely. Storycrafting was an important skill added to my toolbox as a child. I could not express myself directly so I used characters to work through my emotions and come to terms with what was going on around me. Later in life, as I started to question my gender identity I found it useful to separate those feelings, again, through character. Storycrafting is a tool often used in early childhood education to encourage children to develop better listening skills and self-esteem. I do not believe that children are the only ones who can benefit from this.

My intent is to give the viewer a fun and engaging way to add this skill to their toolbox, so I put the journal in an actual toolbox. The box used to contain drill bits, which I found fitting because you are drilling down into your identity. The box is lined with velveteen to give the viewer somewhere soft to return these vulnerable parts of themself to. The game is a set of questions chosen to make the viewer look at parts of themselves that they might not have considered a part of their identity.I had asked for feedback on how people view their identities and asked questions to fill in the missing pieces. 

 I bound the journal with fishing line and duct tape so it has a sense of being cobbled together from misused parts, as I often feel my personality is. The cover is stolen from an old Strathmore sketchbook to represent the manufactured façade I often present to the world, hiding the indecisive mess of questions that I am.