Author: saravipond

Who knew I could fly! Check out my Green Screen Experimental Video! I am learning how the video magic works!

My dad and I have been spending the last two years rebuilding a strained relationship. There is a possibility of exploring reflection and growth through the rebuilding of that relationship… I will discuss this with him tomorrow and see if we could come up with a tangible idea that incorporates him into the creative process.

Last night we had been talking for a while, he liked my ideas around reflection and self-image. He suggested the difference of age or a father/soldier dynamic. He is having to come to terms with his PTSD from his time in the military and I feel like involving him in this exploration of self-identity may be helpful for him. Since my goal is to be an art therapist, that could work out to be a research point. Going on this journey together could also be helpful for us both in getting to know each other better after decades apart.

WELL NONE OF THAT WORKED OUT!

It was a great idea. Unfortunately whenever I try to approach him about “What if we made something together?” He does not understand what I mean. I tried. It would have been meaningful to me to involve him in some way. OH WELL!! Onto the next idea.

I like TTRPGs. I like developing characters. I like dice. I like exploring identity…

WHAT IF….

I made my OWN single player TTRPG about exploring pieces of yourself? Of using character to understand growth… Basically a mockup of what I want to do with an art-therapy practice.

It should be short enough to get through in a single sitting, maybe an hour at most. Something that you can do as self-exploration or character development. I have Bradley, Durum, and Puck I could use to build the idea off of to see if I can make it work. Luf, Gryph, and Vivid LOVE character stories and would probably be willing to run through it with one of their own characters. I could try run through it with Dad or some of my known trauma to see if it works for learning to understand yourself and see your strengths. I’m in enough TTRPG communities I could probably find a complete stranger who would be willing to playtest it. If I’m lucky Connie or Sea might even be willing to playtest it!

Connie is probably the person to do an artist research on, they’ve written a few TTRPGs, they’re a screenwriter with a focus on horror. Luf might even be a good option for this with their storycrafting. I can probably even figure out whoever designed the Captain and Crew dialog.

This might be the answer…

I have some mirror fragments, I could make reflective cores for a set of dice to be presented with the booklet. I COULD make dice for this project.

Alright, Project outline is done! A day early even!! I’ve got a solid plan, I know exactly what I want to do!

…After talking to Sara there is apparently not enough of a visual aspect to this project. Considering book art, performance, and writing were all things that were listed as acceptable for this project I am a little salty about that. But fine…

This also makes it so Connie doesn’t work for my artist research… Which is also a bit frustrating because I’m kind of sick of having to write about old white guys, but I guess Fluxus boxes make more sense for my Artist Research than Halo and Horns.

It was suggested that I shift more into making more of a sacred object. That doesn’t really feel like it fits with the idea of what I’m trying to make, but I am nothing if not stubborn. I will make that fit the project if I have to.

I am a little worried this is going to lead to another “I wish you had just made this one piece” moment in the critique again.

Alright, so I need to make a box, probably with compartments.
I can make a pen, I have molds for that. I had already planned on making dice. I was already making the book. So I’m only adding about five days of work to this project in making this box. I no longer have time to playtest the actual game.

I asked my dad if he would help me build a box. He said no and walked out of the room. He came back with about five latched boxes and asked me if any of those would work. So I no longer need to build a box.
He also has the tools I need to finish the box, and the metallic silver tape I need for the cover of the book.

I had not been planning on using a box with a clear lid, but once that became an option I could not help myself,

I like the symbolism of it being a repurposed toolbox. This originally held drill bits.
I also like that this box opens down, instead of up, and when the lid is folded back it acts as a stand.

Next Steps:

• Sand and finish the box
• Buff that mark out of the plexiglass,
  • Thankfully from making dice I have polishing paper, should be able to get rid of most of that mark.
• Find something soft to line the box with.
  • Will need to swing by the fabric store in Campbell River to see if they have anything cheap, thin, and soft.
• Cast the pen
• Cast the dice
• Make the book

I haven’t made a choice on colour yet. I did a basic cast of my pen mold because I don’t actually know what shape that will be, or what issues I will have with it. Considering I only have 2 ink cartages, I want to be sure I know what I’m in for.

I have spent 3 days working on the text for the book. This is frustrating. I needed 10 days for the book and it’s not going to be as good as I want know it could have been because I have to do the box…

I am so close to just giving up. I don’t want to half-ass it. This is a project that really meant something to me but it’s been turned into something I resent…. There’s not time to rework it, there wasn’t time to do it the way I’ve had to do it to begin with. I’m having to stop for a day so I can finish an assignment for another class that I’ve put off to try make this work.

The project is due today and I am nowhere near finished.

I haven’t had the time I needed to do the main part of the project because of that stupid box. I couldn’t even get the front of the box clear after Dad decided to ‘help’ and gouge the front of it with the sander. I’m so frustrated.

I have to hope the journal covers will be in today because then I don’t have to bind the book by hand like I wanted to. I don’t have time to do it though. I just have to make the cover look nice and hope it will be good enough.

I have had to completely gut the journaling exercise. I did not have the time I needed to make it work. It is no longer something I can say I am proud of and I am livid at that. This was something that was very meaningful to me.

it is snowing and the lights are flickering
if the power goes out I might scream

I need to find my maul and my thread so I can bind this, since I can’t find a holepunch and it doesn’t look like the rings are going to be here in time.

Crap… my thread is in the bin under my computer
Alright. New plan. How can I work around that?

I have wool … But the paper isn’t sturdy enough for that. I’d still need a holepunch…
I can move my computer, but that will require disconnecting everything and that will add an extra hour….
I don’t have a stapler…
I can’t glue it….
I will need to get the thread out or find the holepunch. These are my only real options, Even if I can only find the badge punch it’s going to be better than nothing
I have fishing line….. I could bind it with fishing line……
It’d be stiff, but it’d work

Alright, next steps:

1- Find Fishing line
2- Finish sketches for Gameplay page and End Conditions page
3- Re-Print the book
4- Find guillotine and trim pages to fit inside the box
5- Bind book
6- Finish Covers

The mirror that was supposed to go on the front never showed up, I cannot get the vinyl to work… I can see if I can gut an old binder and see if *that* will work for a cover that the vinyl will stick to

I don’t have time to make the cover I wanted to make and I don’t have the time to do it properly, so I’m going to have to improvise. So long as it *looks* right it should pass critique

Now I just need to paint the two dice and attach the mirror to the front of it.
Then I can decide if I want to answer one or two of the questions for Bradley or Durum or something

The intention of this piece was to find a way to use story-crafting as a form of self reflection. The journal was printed on a laser printer, bound with fishing line, then trimmed down to fit into the velveteen lined tool box. The cover of the journal was taken from a sketchbook and duct taped to the binding, with a small mirror attached to the front. There are four instruction pages and two pages of questions that you are meant to roll the D20 to choose, the rest of the book is lined to allow for the viewer who chooses to engage with the game to bring their own creation to it. The pen and dice are made out of resin and were custom made for this project.

The pen is full of silver flecks to give it depth, to give the user something to look at while they think of how to answer the questions. The dice contain fragments of a broken mirror.

I have answered one of the questions as an example of how to engage with this work.

Write out a list of adjectives that describe your work:
Simple
Explorative
Self-reflective
I’m failing to come up with other adjectives…
Participatory
Tool
Fun
Learning
DIY
Cobbled together
Incomplete
Emotions:
Acceptance
Safe

Write a casual letter to your best friend about what you’ve been up to in the studio.
Hey Grey,

You remember how we talked about storycrafting and using character to add a layer of separation between your emotions and yourself? I think I’ve found a way to bring that into a physical space. I’m making a game out of it!

I found this old tool box full of drill bits, which I think is really fitting because you’re drilling down into yourself for answers and storycrafting is one of the tools in your self-reflection toolkit. Symbolism or something, right? Well, I lined the box, so it’s soft and welcoming. Whoof, lining that thing was a pain in the butt! It’s got this covered section that made measuring it such a pain. Had to redo one side three times! But it’s soft and adds something to fidget with. It’s very nice to pet.

I think I made a mistake on the journal, I put a mirror on the front of it and I cannot look at it now. Triggers a lot of dysphoria when I do. I guess that’s kind of the point, to make you reflect on things, but wow it triggers some uncomfortable feelings. I don’t think you’ll like that about it either. I made a pen, it’s visually interesting and good for staring at when you’re lost in thought. It melds to your hand a bit as you’re writing which is a very interesting feeling! The dice turned out great too! I just wish I’d been able to incorporate more of them into the game because dang, they look so cool!

In my game of self-exploration, I look at the lesser considered aspects of identity. How do you react to certain things, what in your life has caused you to react in these ways, and how have these situations helped you grow? I ask the viewer to engage with the work as themself or as a character, to allow them the space to separate themself from their experiences and write more freely. Storycrafting was an important skill added to my toolbox as a child. I could not express myself directly so I used characters to work through my emotions and come to terms with what was going on around me. Later in life, as I started to question my gender identity I found it useful to separate those feelings, again, through character. Storycrafting is a tool often used in early childhood education to encourage children to develop better listening skills and self-esteem. I do not believe that children are the only ones who can benefit from this.

My intent is to give the viewer a fun and engaging way to add this skill to their toolbox, so I put the journal in an actual toolbox. The box used to contain drill bits, which I found fitting because you are drilling down into your identity. The box is lined with velveteen to give the viewer somewhere soft to return these vulnerable parts of themself to. The game is a set of questions chosen to make the viewer look at parts of themselves that they might not have considered a part of their identity.I had asked for feedback on how people view their identities and asked questions to fill in the missing pieces. 

 I bound the journal with fishing line and duct tape so it has a sense of being cobbled together from misused parts, as I often feel my personality is. The cover is stolen from an old Strathmore sketchbook to represent the manufactured façade I often present to the world, hiding the indecisive mess of questions that I am.  

PLACE: Situate to the place that you want to explore for this walking lab. Record the following items:
Where is the location, (country, city, street, can you not the latitude and longitude?
The Salmon River Estuary, A trail leads into the estuary off a well used logging road outside the Sayward Village.

What is the place, (describe: a bustling shopping mall, a quite hiking trail by a stream)
A quiet nature preserve with a small walking trail where the Salmon River meets the Johnstone Strait

Why did you choose this place?
This is not somewhere I often come to walk

UP + DOWN perspective:
Take time to look downward (Take 2 interesting photos – change angles and perspectives).

Take a photo of you that serves as a portrait but does not include your face.
I came across a bear and noped out, took this as I was making my way back down the trail.

3.  TOUCH: be as descriptive as possible

Feel a surface and write down 1 sentence to describe it. 
Fir Bark: Cool, rough, grooved, fibrous

Feel a second surface and write down 1 sentence to describe it. 
Fallen Leaf: Crunchy, dry, brittle.

Write a sensation felt within the body and write down 1 sentence to describe it. 
“Oh S**T that’s a bear” probably isn’t what this assignment wanted. But that was the only sensation I could think of after coming around the corner to find a black bear in the middle of the trail.

4. SEE: be as descriptive as possible

Describe a colour and texture of an object – do this for 2 objects

A pale orange filled mushroom with holes chewed through it. The top has a  darker spot in the Center, fading out to an off-white creamy colour. The mushroom is spongy, but not porous. There are two holes chewed through the cap, and one larger indentation where something has enjoyed a meal.

A deep brown rusty chain lays half buried in  the ground.  The rust has eaten away at the surface, leaving scars and divots long the cable.

Describe the texture or colour of an object surface and cross it with another sense – do this for 2 objects
I understand what to do for this but I cannot seem to actually do it?

Take a detailed photo of one element you wrote about for this section.

5. HEAR: take 3 minutes in stillness, with your eyes closed and listen. 

List the various sounds you hear, a minimum of 8  sounds

Seagulls, water sloshing, wind through the trees, logging trucks on the road, songbirds,  crunching leaves? Oh. That’s a bear on the trail. I’m going to leave now!!!

Pair each sound with 1-2 descriptive words

Seagulls: shrill, distant.
Water Sloshing: Calming, soft
Wind through the trees: Static, everpresent.
Logging trucks: rumbling, growl
Songbirds: cheery, flittering
Crunching leaves: unexpected, heavy

Doodle on a piece of paper (lines, marks, dots) in reaction to a sound – label the sound(s) you focused on. Note how long you doodle for 20 sec, 2 minutes. 

4. Take time Listen to your breath. Write words to describe it.
   
   Heavy, relaxed, scratchy from allergies.
   
   SMELL close your eyes and take a deep breath. 
   1. Write 2-3 descriptive words to explain the smell of this place
      Fresh, salty, fishy
      
   2. Write 2-3 descriptive words to explain the scent of a specific object in that space. 
      Bracket Fungi: Earthy, muted.
      
5. TASTE be as descriptive as possible (this one will be explored in your imagination:)
   1. Write 1-2 sentences that if you could taste this sense of place, how would you describe it? 
      Fresh, green, earthy.

Intent:
To create an artwork that incorporates time as an aspect of how the work is experienced, to create an artwork with a temporary existence or in a sequential medium like video, sound, or performance.

1. Where were they born? Where did they grow up? Where do they live now
   1. And Goldsworthy was born in 2956 in Cheshire England.
   2. Goldsworthy now lives in Scottland

2. Where did they study art? Or are they self-taught?
   1. Goldsworthy studied at the Bradford College of Art from 1974 to 1975 and the University of Central Lancashire from 1975 to 1978

3. What kind of art do they make?
   1. Goldsworthy makes art using existing elements in nature, he creates site-specific land art using twigs, leaves, rocks, shale, and ice.
4. Looking at the selected assemblage artwork: 

1. What are the formal aspects of her work (size, colour, materials, texture, value, composition, genre, style, etc)?
   1. Unknown size, fallen leaves arranged in a circular pattern in a gradient starting from bright yellow in the center to deep burgundy around the edges. There is a mysterious black object in the center.
      
2. How do these formal aspects affect how you “read” the artwork?
   1. The gradient makes it read as warm and fiery, like an eclipse or a black hole, drawing in your attention. Using natural elements in a very unnatural way invokes a very foreboding feeling.
      
3. What materials and methods might she be using to make these works?
   1. Goldsworthy claims to have collected fallen leaves and arranged them in this pattern. The black object in the center may be a hole.
      
4. What is the context for this work (when this work was produced, what is going on politically, theoretically/philosophically, in the art world, in their personal life)?
   1. This piece was not dated, we cannot know for sure what was going on in the world. Goldsworthy speaks of enjoying creating land-based art to explore and reshape nature. This may be the only reason for the creation of this piece.
      
5. What emotions does the work elicit for you?
   1. Curiosity. What is the black object. What is nature looking at.
      
6. What ideas does the work cultivate, or questions does the work ask you to consider?
   1. What of the surrounding area made Goldsworthy feel this was what he needed to create.
      
7. What does the artist say about their own work?
   1. Goldsworthy collaborates with nature, using whatever materials are at hand to create works of art exploring the essence of these materials.  
      
8. …… What other questions about this artist or their work do you have?
   1. When was this piece made? Was it titled? Is it simply an expression of a love of nature?
      
9. Is there anything about this artist’s work that interests you? What and why? If not, can you articulate why that is? What is missing for you?
   1. I find it intriguing how he can create such clean lines with objects from nature. In some of Goldsworthy’s work he appears to have torn leaves to separate colours and create lines. I do struggle to be as interested in this work as I may be in others just because of the lack of narrative.
      
10. Is there anything about this artist’s work that you can carry over into your own art practice? What in particular?
    1. Goldsworthy’s shape and composition are very striking. This is something to keep in mind when working on more story-based art. Composition is always important.

References:
https://www.livingyourwildcreativity.com/art-gallery-1-mitchell-1

I started by just writing down ideas for themes and mediums. When I got to the point of trying to figure out an idea without limits, my Dungeon Master reminded me that D&D has no limits! Clearly we just need to start an actual play stream.

I tried mind mapping, this just isn’t something I’m good at.

So I went back to lists. The Character Journal book art seems to be where my inspiration is sparking so I will likely explore that more. I have recently shifted from Otter to Bugbear, so it would be neat to explore the different avatars over the years to see the different ways I’ve identified with or expressed my sense of self.

While I was shuffling papers around I found I have apparently attempted this project before.

I use Discord a lot to sort out my ideas. I have a discord channel that is essentially what this progress blog is intended to be. I have decided I will post some of the more substantial updates from that channel to this blog.

Whenever I tell people what I’m working on they tend to offer ‘help’. I think I’m not doing a good job of explaining the project.

Canta gave me a pretty solid idea, actually. When I was livestreaming, I was making time-lapse videos of the art I was making. A time-lapse video does use time as a factor of how the art is viewed. There is nothing saying I couldn’t record time lapse videos of the sketches. I will put this idea in my back pocket for later.
I could, also, use livestreaming the art as a dimension of the project itself as sort of a performance. Maybe look at this more later.

I think I will start working on this with the anticipation of doing the animatic because that will involve the most work. If anticipate the project that will require the most work I’ll have less work to do if that is the project I end up taking on, and I’ll have already laid the ground work for the three other options.

I will record each of the sketches and final drawings in case a time lapse video ends up being the way to go?

Some thumbnails of the ideas I’ve had.
I am liking 1 and 3 the best. The booklet just doesn’t feel like it is interesting enough and the timeline is boring and confusing.

I will need to present these avatars in chronological order, but I will need to work backwards to remember them all.

I know I have more than 12 of these, but they fade out a lot as I go back. I do tend to use ‘canine’ as a general expression of an inaccurate gender. I seem to explore gender by pushing the species I represent myself as.

I have a solid vision of the central point of the possible animatic. Soft landings with a hard transition into Trouble, who then gets surpassed by Brassy and Ranger. Ranger being unimpressed by yet another return to form with the awkward dog. I cannot seem to fit Elliott or Hazel into either end of this.

There is a possibility of having Scruffdog wearing and taking off the Elliott mask.

Perhaps a flash between Scruffdog and the otter as they snap at some vague figure before they drop and cover their head with their arms. The otter then standing up in their place. The otter happy until the mask starts to slip again.
At the end have the Bugbear reach out and lift the otter to their feet. Then the two of them walk off together.

I will need to figure out how to fit Hazel into the Soft Landings section. Perhaps having the fur colour shift to brown before the strike and fall. Hazel was short lived between Soft Landings and Trouble.

Can I fit Spades in? Have Spades lift Trouble to her feet before Brassy and Ranger run by.



The benefits of the booklet would be that I could explain what each of these represented about me. The animatic gives a more dramatic change between each of the avatars. There is still some thinking to be done. I will need to sketch each of the avatars outright so I have simple model sheets for the animatic.

What would that look like?


BUD – Feeling unintelligent/not understanding most of what is going on
Durum – Trying to be happy despite years of gaslighting and trust issues
Polly – Dedication & Snacks
Puck – Anger issues, struggles with things needing to be orderly
Bradley – Inferiority and coming to terms with being competent

Bugbear Monk, Otter Monk, Parrot Druid, Rabbit Barbarian, Bugbear Fighter.
I’ve got my own D&D group at this point.


So how would that work as book art? I like the idea of the folded book from the first sketch being a journey through the different characters and what they represent.

Maybe that’s what I don’t like about the animatic, I don’t feel like I could really do it the justice it deserves. It needs to be something more than just an animatic. Perhaps shifting gears back to the folded book art is the way to go. That gives more of a chance to explore what each of of them represented without having to explain it. Though I do like the more cinematic aspect of the animatic… But the animatic also makes me want to burn it all down.

WHAT IF: I start doing my daily comic again?

I’ve been putting it off for similar reasons, I’ve not been sure how to shift between the Otter and the Bugbear. I could do the daily comics every day for a week. Perhaps digitally? Cleaned up?

It’d be a lot of me sitting at my desk… I’d need to actually go do something, or find something interesting about each day. I could do an hourly comic then spend a week cleaning it up?

I keep coming back to the time lapse/animatic idea.

Aimée Henny Brown is a printmaker who also does instillation and performance art. Brown speaks about herself as a researcher and educator as a part of her creative experience. She sees herself as a maximalist, rather than a minimalist, which I very much connected with, though I was intrigued by the idea of using negative space and removal of subjects to portray a message. I am intrigued by the idea of artist residencies, though Brown also utilizes grants and has been featured in solo and group exhibitions. I was most interested in how Brown uses research as a key factor of her art practice.  To preform and share research as a method of preforming art is not something I had considered for art before. I may consider adding more research to my own practice in the future.

What was your first major memory?

Luf:
My first memory is on my third birthday, coming out of my room into the living room, excited for my birthday, my mom playing a cassette tape with a happy birthday Sarah song on it. With a vague awareness later that I have no memories before, only of this day, like it was the first time gaining true consciousness.

After that all my memories between then and like 7 are kind of jumbled up, in that way of, I know these things happened and I was small. I don’t remember the order

Gryph:
I remember my sister sticking a stick into a whole with ground bees in it and running like hell! And then I road on a boat while my sister and distant cousin were treated for ground bee stings. I remember the boat. I was told about they fact they got stung a lot.

I’ve made some solid progress on sketches and selected songs for the 6 avatars so far. I need to find the transition between Grym and Trouble. Both of which work better if I were to do this as an animatic. Beyond Scruffdog I need to add the Otter and the Bugbear.

I wrote out the main story beats I need to hit now I can cross them off as I go.

It’s a very vague script, but it’s time to start boarding.

I am using direction to show forward and backward progress. When a character is facing Right they are making forward progress, when a character is facing Left they are losing progress

I have finished 90+ frames so far. 30 more to go. One more day. We got this…

Change
_________ = Fine
Time


This work was an exploration of identity through time.

I have often used avatars to portray myself and over the years these avatars have evolved to show my feelings towards my gender and mental health. After a traumatic medical event in early 2011 much of how I see myself changed. There was a rapid shift between these personas through 2014-2016 before I realized I was trying to force myself deeper into a box. My depression got worse through the end of 2017 when I finally let myself embrace what I had been trying to hide. This past year I’ve opened myself up to some new friends who have helped me learn to love myself more.

For this project I used Clip Studio Paint to create the art and Adobe After Effects to create the animatic.
Music from the Youtube Media Library.
Sound Effects from Freesounds.org